Tuesday, March 5, 2013

The most sexist "strictly platonic" craigslist ad ever.

Posted: 2013-03-05, 5:00PM PST

To my Fellow C-listers - m4w - 28 (Hacienda Heights)

Are you looking for a friend? Are you looking for an experience? Are you looking for something 
that isn't a damn bot?

Well congratulations friend, because you found me!

What's that you say? Everyone on Craigslist wants to be your friend?

Hey, shut up for a second because that's not true. Most guys on Craigslist want their dick to be 
friends with your pussy and that's about it. While this guy right here absolutely adores sex you 
will have little if any problems with pressure from me. For one: This is strictly platonic so that
 shouldn't even be a worry for you. Two: I have recently been dumped. It was bad too. I won't
 go into the details, but the short-version is I am not looking for any kind of intimate relationship
 and I can guarantee you won't be getting anything out of my pants unless it's a dollar for the 
vending machine. Speaking of a dollar! The other reason you won't need to worry about me 
trying to take you out is because I'm broke as fuck. I ain't got no job, my car is in desperate 
need of repairs, and I got enough change in my pocket to buy a snack from the vending....oh
 wait, no I don't; I gave you that dollar.

What's that you say? Well if you're broke... what's in it for me?

Well, you see, you get:
-Intellectual conversation
-Laughter (especially if you're fan of Simpson's wit)
-A freindzone friendly "listen-to-your-bitching-all-day" ear
-Insight and advice (if requested) complete nodding and silence (if not)
-Fucking Awesome! (Free) Adventures!
-A guy who is honest about looking at your cleavage, not because he's a pervert, but because
 you're beautiful!
-And don't forget about that dollar!

You've made it halfway! Check point like a motherfucker! So I've spent the first half going 
through what's wrong with me. What's right with me?!

I'm fucking awesome! Not only do I have an amazing creative repertoire! I'm smart as fuck! 
I use words like repertoire! However, I don't have to be all in your face about it! I will humble 
the shit out of myself, because I'm not here to make you feel inferior, I'm here to compliment 
you. That's what good friends do! See? Creative, smart, humble, and kind! Being broke don't 
seem like such a death sentence now, does it? You want to talk about some righteous political 
debauchery battle? You want to joke about the good ol' days? You want to tell me about that 
awesome squirrel you saw?! All of that sounds awesome! I can't wait to talk about any and 
(hopefully) all of that with you. Tired of talking?! Ready for action!? Let's get off our asses 
and go for a hike! I know this awesome park! You don't want to hike because that takes 
walking? Well, why the fuck didn't you say so? I have this comfy ass couch in front of this 
nice TV that will make movies, cartoons, dramas, documentaries, news, and/or snow appear!

So that's me, what about you?

Well you see, I asked if you wanted a friend. That means, by default it doesn't matter 
what/who/when/why/how you are! If you want a friend, all you have to do is hit that fancy
 little reply button and shoot me one of them new-fangled electronic mails. With that being said,
 I am no different from any human in the world and I do have tastes and preferences, so while
 I am not looking for any of these traits in any particular person if you do have the following, 
we may just connect that quicker. My hobbies include playing videogames. I adore girls who 
play games (as opposed to girl gamers, who I don't adore), writing, watching anime
 (and studying Japanese culture in general), creating (games, ideas, and scenarios), I love the 

Simpsons and I love to quote them even more. I love to joke around wittingly. I love to act, 
I love to project, I love to be seen. I love fast music (nightcore, happy hardcore, and 8-bit mash).
 I love people who can draw, write, or bounce brainstorming ideas. I love zombies!!!

So I've read it all, what now?

Now, it's up to you. Do we become friends? Or do you just pass me up and never meet with me?
 Do I become just another of those billions of people you'll never meet or do I get a special place 
of friendship with you? I'm curious to see which path you'll take. Also, congratulations if you
 read it all the way through, I love people who pay attention to me and people who can read,
 so that's a double bonus for you.

Whoa Whoa Whoa buddy. This is a repost. I read it yesterday.

And it's still awesome isn't it!? Look, I'm gonna level with you, most posts on Craigslist are three
 to five lines of "Hey, give me pic." Then you write a few emails and bam! Never talk again!
 That's fucking lame! Not me! I've decided that I'm gonna make a game out of this ad! From 
today on I will post this ad again sometime past noon for the rest of the week. (monday-sunday)
 There will be different titles, ages, and locations every week to make it tougher to find, but if you
 do find it, message me and I'll give you a friendship token! The person who responds to me with 
the most friendship tokens at the end of the week wins an awesome prize that I haven't decided
 on yet!
  • Location: Hacienda Heights
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Posting ID: 3661672848
Posted: 2013-03-05, 5:00PM PST
Edited: 2013-03-05, 5:00PM PST

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